A F T,  B U M P E R,  C A N



Gluteal Cheer

Check out those lutes,
check out those flutes,
check out those newts.
(No offense to salamanders—
they’re worth multiple ganders.)
Give three woots (woot, woot, woot)
and three hoots (hoot, hoot, hoot)
and three toots (toot, toot, toot).

What’re butts with an “e”? They’re buttes!
What sits with a “u”? Suits!
Double the “o” in cots? Coots!
Double the “o” in snots? Snoots!
Gluts with an “e”? Glutes!
Say it again—glutes!
One more time with gusto—glutes!
(which are really muscles
but making a fuss’ll
spark needless tussles).
What looks great in bathing suits?

Let’s super-size it,
gluteus maximize it
but never disguise it.
We’ll be a French foreign legion
of the gluteal region
to show how we prize it.
So let’s celebrate glutes
with all that imputes.
I’ll brook no disputes
and no absolutes,
only glutes, glutes, glutes, glutes!